Goodbye #2015, Hello #2016

First warning, I am about to get vulnerable in this blog post.  Second warning, it will most likely contain foul language and I am going to brutally honest, I mean is there any other way to be? You may want to sit down if you aren't already. I normally blog about fashion, food, traveling, events that I attend, or whatever suits my fancy...but I want to close this year by telling my story.  Some wouldn't call it a story, rather bad luck or maybe even just a turn of life events, but here it is.  It really makes no difference to me if you continue reading or not, but maybe someone going through the same crap I went through will see this and it will help them to cope, see things differently, or look at life from a different angle.

February 2015, my life was brought to a halt...my then husband (I'll keep his name out although some of you clearly know what it is, so lets refer to him as DH...a little nickname I came up with)..anyway, we had been married for almost 8 years, had been together for almost 10, and he decided to leave.  He wasn't happy, he thought "we" weren't happy. It was a Monday night and by Thursday he decided to tell me that he was moving out, and by that weekend, he was moved out.  Planned much?  Of course I had no idea what the hell was going on...I was at a loss.  My first thought, fix this. Ok, we are separated, we need time apart, what about counseling?  I had about one million thoughts going through my head 24 hours per day.  I decided to move in with my Mom because if he could move out of "our" home, why did I have to stay there?  By the way, he refused counseling, and I now thank the lord for that.

I moved out, thinking it will just be for a few days until I figure things out...a few days turned into 2 weeks.  I received a phone call from a friend Saturday night...5 days after the bomb exploded.
The convo, "What are you doing?"
Me, "Just at my Moms, whats up?"
Her, "Where is DH?' Me, "No clue"
Her, "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but I just got a call from a mutual friend and he is in Emporia eating at Applebee's with two girls"
My heart sank, I couldn't breathe, I felt helpless and didn't know what to do.  So I thought, this is bull shit. I called him, he answered and sure enough, he was there.  With "friends" he said.  Funny thing is, he said they were "family friends" and what's even more fucked up, after 10 years of being with this man, I had never once heard their name from him or any of his family.  Family friends my ass, long lost neighbors (sisters) he lived next too for a few short years if even that long while living in Emporia. Enough of that.

For the next two months, my life felt like it was spiraling. I had just applied to Nursing school, knowing that IF I made it in, I would be going from full-time to part-time work, making less money for a short time to better my career and ultimately be more financially stable.  For not just me, but him and I. This was our plan.  He said he would support me, support us while I was in school. After all, when I was finished with it, I would have my BSN and work in a the amazing field of Nursing.  Did I mention, we had made some life decisions for our family...again, thankfully those didn't happen.

Fast forward to March, I was going to leave the crap of selling the house and getting an attorney up to him. After all, he wanted it. But while at my Moms I realized I had to go home, there was a house that needed taken care of, a yard to be mowed eventually, and things to do!  I moved back in, called a friend to put the house on the market and got an attorney...best decision ever.  The house had tons of lookers, the attorney was easy to deal with basically leaving it up to us to decide who got what...blah, blah, blah. He didn't want anything really, ok great...except when it was time to move, I had almost everything to get out, put somewhere, do something with.  Spring time, I couldn't hardly keep up with yard work, working one full-time job, taking classes, a part-time job.  My neighbors saved me, literally.  They helped me constantly with the yard and the dog and as much as they didn't want me to move, they were probably ready to not have two yards and my drama to deal with!

April, I was waiting to see if I got into Nursing school...small envelope means NO, large envelope means YES.  Guess what I got...the small envelope.  I burst into tears, I mean bawling, mascara running, ugly ass cry.  Seriously, more bad news, more bad luck.  I just didn't understand, I read the letter again...and I saw it, the GPA they had listed, that wasn't my GPA...who's GPA was that? And guess what, that was the sole reason I didn't get accepted.  I called them immediately to let them know. The nursing director said she would look into it. I got a call back that day, yep, they made a mistake.  But guess what, all of the acceptance letters already went out, and they can only accept so many people, so I was moved to the top of the alternate list.  Really? Really? One week later, I get a call with relieving news...you are in!  Happy tears this time. Maybe things are looking up!  And hello Royals Home Opener...something to look forward to with friends...who were always trying to get me out of my funk!

Oh ya, my divorce became final too, my attorney and I put a rush on it, send that bitch through...I am done.  And yes, I did get money from the house, for my future living expenses, and because my attorney thought I should ask for maintenance I did, and guess what, I got it.  I never, ever wanted it. I always have worked my ass off for what I had...but she made a valid point...he makes way more money than you, you are going back to school, and it was a decision you both made regarding the return to school, so you should get it.  We had two options, go to court and let the judge decide or come to an agreement, we came to an agreement.  I am sure people thought I was all about the money, so not true. I was about making sure I could live...he was going to be able to, why shouldn't I?  His story may be different, I realize there are two sides, but this is how it felt for me, what happened to me, and I know it also takes two to be in a relationship...and clearly we weren't there. After all, he is already remarried.  My comments stop here.  

May, an offer came through on the house...low ball of course.  My amazing realtor and friend told me what to do, I did it...we made some adjustments, they wanted the lawn mower and the gym mats...done! I didn't want that stupid John Deere mower anyway...good luck with that.  House sold, but here is the kicker, they wanted in within 30 days.  I hadn't even looked for an apartment because it happened so fast, it was the end of school so I was studying for finals, and I was just overwhelmed. May 13th, I took my final, got an A, and celebrated...and started to feel happy again. I also celebrated my non-a-versary....all days with friends, Mexican food, tequila, and the Royals game. I am starting to feel better...kind of.

I looked for apartments, and wanted to be in a certain area because I would need help with my dog on the days I worked, needed a shit ton of storage because I was going from a 4 bedroom home with a full basement to a one bedroom apartment and did I mention I also wanted a garage? Try finding that in a month...almost impossible, almost.  I fell in love with where I am at but they didn't have anything in the larger one bedroom until July...one month after I had to be out, so that meant storage unit and living somewhere in the meantime and then moving, again.  They decided to show me the smaller one bedroom, I walked in, moved my head side-to-side, and said no way in hell.  I could see every room from where I was standing.  Two days later I got a call from the apartment complex, someone backed out, the larger one bedroom would be ready June 12th, perfect timing. I rushed in, made a deposit and started packing.

June came around and that two week vacation I originally had planned with the ex turned into time off for me, a trip to Colorado to see a Rockies game, a trip to Iowa to see family and moving into my new place.  It was going to be busy...and did I mention it was SUMMATIME!!!!  I also made a trip back to Colorado the end of June to run my first Slacker Half Marathon, I ran two legs of it, spent time with more friends...I just love that place!

Real short clip...I started "dating" a guy in May, totally unexpected...I mean, like I figured hell would have frozen over before it happened, but we had fun while it lasted.  Not just that kind of fun either...I know what you all are thinking.  Like we could talk for hours fun, be in the car for hours driving fun, face time, text, talk on the phone, laugh and make jokes about each other fun, we just got along; had the same thoughts, ideas, and my friends liked him too...But that ended, he couldn't handle the "perfectness" of our relationship...but I just found that out literally 3 weeks ago.  Moving on.

Summertime...finally! Taking one class and soaking up the rest with friends, pool time, and although this sounds terrible...vodka.  Water, coffee, or vodka...that was the slogan we seemed to use all summer long.  Made a trip to Vegas for a 30th Birthday party...we will not go into detail on that trip, but I will say it was one of the best times I have had.  #kcgirlsdovegas and we did!  Royals games, nights out, patios, volleyball, you name it, I was doing it...trying to stay busy and figure out how to start my life over at 34.  Plus, dating at this age...its freaking weird. It's different in this century, plus let's be real, I have never really "dated" anyone.  Time to start I guess.  Labor Day weekend...I had an amazing time at Beaver Lake, going out of my comfort zone knowing only 2 people, but making the drive down there after work to have an amazing day on the water!  I can't even explain the amount of fun we all had!

August roles around and school is beginning to start. I am a nervous wreck...what if I can't do this? What if I fail? On a good note, I did receive a full scholarship for classes and books, another crying moment with tears of happiness.  Good grades and an essay made that possible...thanking the lord for that one for sure!  First semester went so fast, like crazy fast. I met awesome people, ended with a B...I am ok with that, and am ready for second semester!

The end of 2015 is here and although I keep saying this year has been shitty...trust me, there were definitely times that weren't easy, I have to say the year turned out to be better than expected.  Chalk it up to having a better attitude, getting out of my slump..whatever you want to think.  The truth, friends...friends, friends, friends...and family, lots of crying, lots of working out, lots of pool time, lots of long talks to people that are always willing to listen, lots of laughing, lots of coffee, lots of vodka...yes, it was there too, lots of new friends and rekindling old friendships too...I couldn't have done it without any of these people!  They were there for me, being brutally honest and I listened to all of it, even if I had to hear it 500 times before it was clear.

So here we go 2016, I am going to kick your ass!
Xoxo,
Shona