Dirt Roads ~ High Heels: The NCLEX Exam and Why I Didn't Give Up

You guys...I finally passed my NCLEX exam or what I like to call "the test that isn't really reality exam." I graduated from Nursing School in May of this year...studied for an appropriate amount of time per what the "professionals" said to do and set up my first date to test. I did an entire program consisting of over 2500 questions not to mention an app that I had installed on my phone for on-the-go type learning. On June 12th, I walked in to take it...I felt prepared but with this type of test, you just never know. I took 140 questions and it shut off...because that's how nice it is. It literally just shuts off and you have no idea at this point how you did or if you are going to pass. You get to wait 48 hours to find out, which really aids in your anxiety level. I am guessing you get my sarcasm here. So two days later around 8 a.m. I log in and you have to pay $7.95, because nothing is free, to see if I passed. I hit submit...FAIL. By they way, those questions I studied were from Kaplan, a program used to "train" people to pass the NCLEX the first time and they guarantee it.

Below is a post that I started and never published...written on the day I found out the results....

"Fail. I failed the NCLEX. I signed in, got the results and instantly started to sob. And they didn''t say it nicely either...like "You were unsuccessful"...nope, just a big fat FAIL. For two years I have been preparing to take the one test that would make me an official RN, and I failed it. Do I get to take it again? Sure...but do I feel confident about it? Today, not at all. Maybe tomorrow. Words can not express what I am feeling right now, I am mortified, I am embarrassed, and I just want to pretend like this never happened. And how in the hell do I even have any tears left? For some maybe this wouldn't be the way to relieve their feelings, but for me, it is. Besides, it's a way for me to show you that things don't always go as planned. Shit happens." -06/14/2017-

When I went back to read this recently, I remember it like it was yesterday. A lot of tears and a feeling of failure for sure.

Here is what I did though. I re-registered because again nothing is free and actually it costs $275 each time you have to take this "test"...I started studying and set another test date. This time is was August 16th. You have to wait 45 days in between testing to test again, I guess so they can make sure you are ready the next time. On August 16th, I walked in to a different location feeling much more prepared than the first time. I sat down and started. During the test you are allowed to take two scheduled breaks, one at 2 hours and one at 3 1/2 hours. I took both. I answered the max number of questions this time, 265, my next to last question was a "select all that apply" question. Let me explain, this type of question is upper level meaning you are above the passing line...so I felt pretty good about this. Five and a half hours later, I walked out knowing I had to wait another 48 hours before getting the results. August 18th, I logged in, paying another $7.95, just to see the four letter word "FAIL" but this time, I was straight up pissed off. Tears were barely the issue...I was now just annoyed.

I called Kaplan to see what they could do for me since that was the program included in my tuition and they "guarantee" you will pass the first time or you get your money back which I didn't by the way. Rather, they enrolled me in a live online course, just like the one I had already did. Ok, I thought, I'll do it. I took the course and did nothing else with Kaplan. I realized it didn't work for me. I was told to try a program from the NCSBN website. I figured it couldn't hurt so I signed up to to have access and started studying again...and I was starting to get drained. I just didn't get why I wasn't passing. The scores "they" say you need, I was getting those. I was still studying 25+ hours per week...and you have to remember, I had been doing this since May. I studied way more than that the first time around plus I was fitting in two part-time jobs and still trying to have a life. I realized it wasn't about how many hours was spent studying and I finally figured out what "they" wanted.

Here is what we were taught about the NCLEX. This test is testing you to be a safe nurse...you will not know all of the answers to every question, you won't even know what they are talking about some of the time, but they want you to be able to break down the question and answers and choose the safest answer. "Minimal Competency" is all they are asking for. Bull shit. Here is how I look at it and yes, maybe I am slightly bitter because I had to take the damn thing three times, but this test is not realistic and the funny thing is, people who pass it the first time, have told me the same thing. I have worked in the healthcare setting for 3+ years. I see competent people, I am one of them and I am not being cocky here people. I didn't make it though two years of Nursing School because I am not competent. Which, by the way, prepares you more for the the real world than the NCLEX ever will. Interesting enough, after people heard that I didn't pass it the first time, I found out a lot of people didn't, if fact, some of them took it 3, 4, and even 5 times. And I get why people don't want to throw that information out there. It's embarrassing.

The point of this is to get the word out. People "fail" this test every single day and more than once. The real strength is not giving up even when you want too. Trust me, I had that thought but realized I want to be a Nurse and that is why I went back to school and spent two years preparing myself for the career that I will have for the rest of my life. There was no way I was going to give that up just because one stupid test was telling me I wasn't safe and competent. At this point you can imagine where I have told that test to go...and in two years or ten years, it won't matter how many times I took it. And what really makes me happy is that I have already had people reach out to me, thanking me for giving them hope and to not give up. That right there was worth it for me.

On a more humorous note...the first time I tested I was #9 and my locker was #11...9-11...ya I wasn't thrilled about that. The second time I was #1, locker #1, space #11...too many #1's, the third time I tested I was #5, locker #1, space #11...the fact that I was #5 was the perfect sign although most people who I share that with think I am nutso!

Maybe I am the only who will ever write about my experience and share my opinions and that's ok...maybe it will give someone else the push they need to keep going.